From gifts to pomp and circumstance: Celebrating this season’s graduates with class

Across the world, graduates will soon be handed their hard-earned diplomas. The ritual marks the end of a long academic achievement and the start of a new adventure. As proud families and friends, it’s natural to want to shower the honoree with praise and attention. But with many personalities at play, and age-old traditions, there are some guidelines you’ll want to consider to ensure the day goes smoothly.

The announcement

Be it high school or university, graduating is an accomplishment to be proud of. Catherine Wilson, the protocol, stewardship, and partnerships program director for Notre Dame International at the University of Notre Dame, encourages graduates to share their good news with family and friends. 

“Send announcements, and don't feel awkward about doing so,” says Wilson, who is a graduate of PSOW’s Protocol Officer Training program. “Don't feel like you will be seen as ‘grabbing for gifts’ because receiving a graduation announcement does not obligate the recipient to send a gift.”

“To be sure the recipient knows a gift is not expected, I recommend writing ‘no gifts, please’ at the bottom of the announcement,” says Jehnny Rivera, the interim executive director of the Office of University Ceremonies and Events, Office of the President at Florida International University, 

If you’re a proud parent, The Protocol School of Washington President Pamela Eyring suggests asking your graduate for a list of people they would like to send announcements to, and making one of your own. 

Rivera says you’ll want to mail announcements within a month-long period surrounding graduation - either two weeks prior or by two weeks after. 

If you have friends who don’t know the graduate well, Eyring says to notify them by posting pictures from the ceremony on social media. 

The gift

Like Wilson says - receiving a graduation announcement does not mean you need to rush out and buy a gift, but if you are feeling generous:

“Ask the graduate or their family about appropriate gifts,” she suggests. “There are many things you can purchase that are lovely ideas such as items that would start them off in a first home or apartment. However, the graduate's individual plans might make them impractical.” 

Keep in mind that many newly minted grads take time off after high school or college to partake in service programs or travel. You don’t want them to have to worry about storing small appliances, furniture, or home decor while their homebase is in flux.

You can’t go wrong, Rivera stresses, leaning into a graduate’s connection to their alma mater. Think: a branded license plate frame or t-shirt donning the name of the school they graduated from. Or, small items like a business card holder or diploma frame, to display in their new office.

Want to keep things simple? Send cash or a gift card, ranging from $20 to $100. Eyring says close family members should aim for $50 to $100.

For an affordable gift that will stand the test of time, pick up a useful book like PSOW Founder Dorothea Johnson’s “Modern Manners.” 

The acknowledgements

Any gifts should be met with handwritten thank-you notes, a rarity, Eyring knows, in today’s digital world. Your goal should be to get them in the mail within two weeks, Rivera says. And that includes any vendors who helped with the festivities.

“They don’t have to be long,” stresses Wilson. “Acknowledge the gift that you have been given, tell the sender what it means to you and how you will use the gift, reiterate your appreciation and their kindness for thinking of you. It is really that simple!”

The pomp and circumstance

From a Division I football stadium, to a modest gymnasium, the size of the venue might prevent some people from being able to watch the graduate make their monumental walk across the stage.

Eyring stresses figuring out your ticket allotment as soon as possible and then prioritizing. The party, after the ceremony, is for those extended family members who don’t make the cut. 

And for those who do attend the event - remember that just because you might be seated in a sports arena doesn’t mean you should act like it. 

“Graduation is not a game, it’s a ceremony,” Eyring told Columbia Metropolitan Magazine. “Formality is still expected, just as it is in a wedding ceremony. Save the fun for the after party.”

Arriving on time, setting your cell phone to vibrate, and not cheering over another graduate’s name are simple acts of kindness that will keep the ceremony civil. 

Graduation day means embracing patience - and custom.

“There may be traditions around graduation at the particular institution that seem strange to you, but are highly important to the soon-to-be alumnus,” Wilson says. “Walking a certain set of stairs or crossing a particular bridge might not seem like a reason for you to wait for an hour for your graduate's turn, but they have been waiting four years for their chance to do this. Be their cheerleader, and maybe even their photographer, as they take part in a meaningful tradition.”

The celebration

After the symbolic handover of the diploma, some graduates will want to spend time with friends. Others will go to a nice dinner with family. If you’re going all out and hosting a party, be sure to alert any would-be guests one to two months in advance.

“Also, I would suggest putting together a list of hotel recommendations for out-of-town guests and other pertinent information such as attire,” Rivera advises. Rivera, an alumna of PSOW’s Protocol Officer Training course, says the graduate should provide the guest list.

As a host, it might be easy to feel caught up in the excitement.

“If you are planning parties or other events around graduation, be certain that you are doing so with the preferences and feelings of the graduate in mind,” Wilson reminds.

That includes being mindful of the graduate’s mental state.

“There is a huge amount of excitement about the future, to be sure,” Wilson says. “But there is also sadness around the inevitable separation that will happen from friends that the graduate has become very close to over the years. Particularly for those graduating from college who may have lived in community with their friends for four years, it can be difficult to know that they will not see each other frequently after the graduation activities are over.”

As they try to balance all of the attention, graduates might favor spending time with their friends. Placing your own expectations upon them will only add to the feeling of being overwhelmed. Instead, be their supporter: the person who understands that emotions are running high.

Whether you’re a graduate or a proud parent, practicing proper etiquette will keep you present through graduation weekend - an experience you’ve likely waited years for!