Ghosting is on the rise in business relationships: how to prevent it from happening to you

You’ve been corresponding with a potential client or colleague over email. A few weeks pass before you realize - he or she never replied to your most recent message. You send a follow-up. Months go by and you fail to receive a response. Confused, you question your own communication - did you do something to offend? Were you not clear in your ask? Did you misinterpret the other party’s promise? Ghosting used to be a term associated with dating; now it’s hitting business relationships from recruiting to sales. Here, our team of etiquette experts arm you with the know-how to stop ghosting in its tracks.

What, exactly, is ghosting?

Once reserved solely for describing failed romantic interactions, ‘ghosting’ now represents an abrupt halt to all communication without warning.

“The party doing the ghosting also ignores any attempts of communication (phone, text, social media, email) from the other person,” says Kimberley LaTrice, a protocol and etiquette trainer and a graduate of The Protocol School of Washington. 

In the moment, ghosting is the easiest way for someone to avoid confrontation - and tension, says Valérie Dalati, Capacity Building consultant, but it leaves the other party in a state of ignorance. 

“In most situations, the person is not left with proper feedback or explanation of why,” Dalati says. The slight can leave you feeling rejected and disrespected, LaTrice adds.

Why is it happening more frequently?

Ghosting’s rise coincides with our growing relationship with technology, explains Clay Doherty, managing director of HIGHTOUCH Engagement.

“Technology has reduced our connections to impersonal touch points of information,” Doherty says. “People are now profiles; ideas are only as good as 280 characters will allow, and social interaction has been replaced with a self-imposed cancel-culture where we can block anyone for any reason.”

This, combined with the two-plus-year hiatus from in-person engagement due to the COVID-19 pandemic, says Doherty, has made it easy for people to shut themselves off to others online.

“Today’s political climate has further exacerbated this behavior, infiltrating almost every aspect of our personal and professional lives,” he continues. “Rather than advocate for ourselves or explain our behavior, we can simply walk away from things we don’t like rather than engage them.”

With the “Great Resignation”, Doherty points out, many people, from entry-level to the C-suite, are considering new career opportunities. As a result, recruiters and HR departments are being flooded with resumes and applications. Dalati emphasizes other situational factors, such as a lack of shared values or interests between parties or major life changes or crises, can be to blame. On a day-to-day basis, with our hectic schedules, LaTrice explains poor time management can lead to relationships of poor quality, where ghosting is simply the norm. 

Regardless of the reason, she says, ultimately, the growth of ghosting ties back to our tendency, as a society, not to think about the consequences our actions (or inactions) might have on others. 

What should you do if you’re ghosted?

Both LaTrice and Dalati insist - following-up with someone is perfectly reasonable. But when it’s clear that the effort is no longer being reciprocated, it’s time to free yourself from any expectations and seek out new relationships. Dalati stresses that finding people who share common interests and goals is key. 

When no response ultimately comes, try not to take the silence to heart. 

“Keep in mind that people are juggling many hats and it is sometimes easy for them to overlook things and not get back to you in a timely manner,” LaTrice says.

This is especially difficult in the hiring process, Doherty says, after someone has spent hours perfecting his or her resume and cover letter only to be ignored by a recruiter after the first contact. 

“It’s hard not to take ghosting personally,” he says, “– not only because we wonder what it is we did ‘wrong’ - we wonder what the other person did ‘right.’” 

LaTrice suggests focusing on what you can control - your end of the communication. Look for ways to better articulate your needs and expectations next time. 

“When someone is beating around the bush and not being upfront, it causes the other person to become impatient and not want to deal with the person,” LaTrice reminds. “When you are communicating, it’s important to get to the point you are trying to make as quickly as possible.”

How can you avoid ghosting someone? 

If you’ve ever unintentionally ghosted someone, and pride yourself on being a kind and respectful person, the realization can leave you feeling frustrated with yourself. 

“Make sure you respond in a timely manner,” LaTrice recommends. “A good rule of thumb is typically between 24 and 48 hours. If you have time to respond sooner, that would be ideal.”

Even when life becomes chaotic, keep your communications professional, and again - be clear about your intentions. 

“If you need more time, let them know that you have received their message, or whatever the case may be, and that you will get back to them,” she says. “Give them a time frame and stick to it.”

Scheduling regular check-ins, in addition to meet-ups in person or virtually, are other easily applied methods to prevent yourself from accidentally ghosting someone, Dalati says.

And if you’re a professional in the discipline of diplomatic protocol and business etiquette, Doherty says, hold yourself to the highest standard. 

“We have an opportunity, if not a responsibility, to inform and enforce proper social skills in the workplace,” he says. “By implementing standards that empower the use of technology as a communications tool rather than as a source of repudiation and rejection, we can further enshrine a culture of respect, openness and transparency which can permeate all aspects of an organization and hopefully extend out to the social fabric of our lives.”

Leading by example will increase the chances that communication lines don’t get cut off prematurely. Being plain, prompt and patient will lead to more efficient correspondence. Hopefully, the extra effort will inspire the same from others.